H: Hello
Me: Hey
H: So...?
Me: I think
I'll clear the air a bit. I'm agnostic.
H: Straddling the fence eh?
Me: Yeah,
well, I think it's wise.
H: I think it's wimpy.
Me: Hey,
you're not supposed to judge!
H: Yeah, well...so how come you're talking to me
then?
Me: I think
this is a conversation I'm having with myself.
H: Aah, one of those. Go ahead then.
Me: I'm
sorry to be the one to break this to you, but I think you're becoming more of a
prude with every passing day.
H: Really? How do you reckon?
Me: They've
banned women from wearing leggings and jeans to temples.
H: Ouch... really?
Me: Yeah.
H: They do know I created y'all naked, right?
Me: I think
that's a suppressed memory. Also, I'm wondering if you're to blame a bit.
H: How's that now?
Me: Well,
all the visions of you throughout history, in your many forms or one true form
or whatever,
depending on the religion- you're over-dressed in all of them. I'm talking
layers and layers.
It's like you're running a weaving unit up there.
H: Hmm... I didn't realize...
Me: And
what's with all the representatives anyway?
H: Hey! That wasn't my idea!
Me: Really?
H: No way. Why would I put some of you above
others or set some of you apart? It's like that joke where
the white guy tells the Chinese guy "I can't tell you guys apart!"
You're all the same to me!
Me: Um,
that joke is really racist.
H: Oh...ok. But you know what I mean!
Me: So why
not just smite the guys who step up and give themselves names?
H: I don't smite!
Me: You sure?
H: Yes.
Me: What do
you do then?
H: Well,...you must have heard of creation?
Me: No
offence, but that was like billions of years ago, and I heard it didn't take
too long. Are you
still on vacation or something?
H: I'm not!
Me: Just
lazy then?
H: Oy! Listen. Those guys making rules about
clothes and stuff- that's nothing compared to the crazy rules
from your past. You ever heard about Lupercalia?
Me: No, but
now I finally have a word to rhyme with Malaria and complete my poem.
H: What
horror of a poem contains the word ‘Malaria’?
Me: Big
talk from the guy who allowed mosquitoes to evolve. What’s Lupercalia anyway?
H: Ancient Roman
festival. Picture this- Roman dudes running through the streets naked, with
whips. Women thronging the streets, waiting to be whipped!
Me: Really?
H: Uh-huh.
Me: So all
this doesn't bother you then?
H: Why would it bother me? I can wear jeans
whenever I want.
Me: That's
so unfair.
H: Well, what can you do...
Me: What
can I do? Seriously?! What can YOU do, is what I want to know.
H: That's not how it works. I don't interfere.
Me: Convenient.
Which multiverse are you vacationing in now?
H: I'm not...alright. See, you guys all chose
this. To be on this planet, in your shoes,
experiencing
what you're going through now.
Me: And why
did we choose this exactly?
H: To put it simply- to become one with me.
Me: I see.
I decline.
H: You what?
Me: I don't
want to become one with you.
H: Yes, you do!
Me: No, I
don't!
H: Yes, you....I'm not doing this.
Me: That's
what I'm saying.
H: But you chose to.
Me: So how
do I un-choose it?
H: You can't!
Me: Again,
convenient.
H: You're very combative, you know.
Me: There
you go judging me again.
...
H: What's wrong?
Me:...It's
been a tough stretch. Sometimes, I want to give up.
H: You can't do that either. It isn't
possible...because you cannot give up on something that
is true and
eternal.
Me: Are you
talking about yourself?
H: I'm talking about you.
Me: Oh...I
don't feel true and eternal. I feel like crap.
H: Crap is true.
Me: Is that
a joke?
H: Um, yes.
Me: Please
don't ever do stand-up.
H: Moving on, I mean that you feel the way you
are because you're struggling against the pain, fighting
it.
Me: So
what, embrace it?
H: Even pain has its purpose.
Me: Easy to
say for someone who is omnipotent.
H: You're right.
Me: I am?
H: Yes. You heard of Teddy Roosevelt?
Me: That
U.S. President?...What is it with the U.S.A?! Everything happens there! Even
aliens supposedly pick a spot to crash-land there every few years. And now
you!
H: Done?
Me: Yes.
Wanted to get that off my chest. I suspect they won't give me a visa.
H: Ok, so there was a time when Roosevelt gave a speech
known as 'The Man in the Arena.' And he said this...“It is not the critic who
counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles,
or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to
the man who is
actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives
valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no
effort without
error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great
enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at
the best knows
in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least
fails while daring greatly.”
Me: Wow.
H: That's they key.
Me: To be
in the arena? `
H: Yes. To be in the arena, to be who you are or
want to be, unashamed, defenseless. And also, If I could tweak the end a bit,
I'd clarify that you cannot fail.
Me: No?
H: No. You are not on a quest.
Me: That's
actually a bit of a relief. I've always felt this great need to be 'better'.
H: And what will being better do for you?
Me: Well,
it'll make me feel better.
H: Better or more special?
Me: Better...and
special.
H: And that's where all the conflict comes in.
You ever heard of Moji?
Me: The
guru? Yeah.
H: He said something wise that I think you'll
like.
Me: You
know, for an all-knowing being, you sure do quote other people a lot.
H: You can't blame me for that. I get misquoted
so grossly, and so often, I've come to prefer pilfering.
Me: That's
a bit sad.
H: I know. So Mooji. He said, "Leave
everything aside for a moment, this self-obsession with being someone special.
Leave aside all these shallow concerns, projections, expectations that keep
your mind floating like a bubble on the surface of the ocean of being.
Just try to
be this formless presence in which this entire play is watched. Be neutral.
Empty. Try to observe that which observes. Keep quiet. Your mind seems so
afraid of this meeting which is with your true Beloved!Now is as good a time as
any. Once your heart accepts this invitation the whole universe is with
you."
Me: Wow. This
stuff always sounds wow.
H: But...?
Me: But it’s
for when I’m sitting on a beach with the
wind in my hair. The everyday grind. It gets to me.
H: Like?
Me: Like
when someone I love dies. Like when someone I want to love leaves. Like when it
seems I am not enough.
H: Isn’t it
at these times when you are hurting, when the pain intrudes, that you must step
away and observe?
Me: I can.
I do it. I know when someone is emotionally distancing themselves. I know there
are underlying fears that cause them to do so. I get it, I sympathize.
H: But this
awareness, this knowledge does not help?
Me: No.
H: Then you
must observe- what are you doing with the knowledge?
Me: What am
I.... what do you mean?
H: When
there is knowledge and there is also pain, then there must be a bridge between
the two? What are you doing when you walk that bridge?
Me: I...
protest. I know the whys, but... I do not accept. I-
H: Yes?
Me: I
judge.
H: Have you
ever known an instance when judgement does not bring pain?
Me: No, I guess
not... Never.
H: When you
judge, you put yourself in the equation. It becomes about you, and you take it
personally, it reflects on you, it hurts. When you remove yourself from the
equation, when you observe, it is completely about the other person. It allows
you to understand their basic emotions without commenting upon their right to
exist. Now apply this to some situation in your life that you have a problem
with.
Me: Ok...
H: Does it still
hurt?
Me: It wasn’t
easy to remove myself from the situation. The part of me that wants to jump in
and justify my hurt kept coming up. But yes, when I put myself aside, I feel
nothing.
H: Good.
Me: But
does that mean I stay and let myself get hurt? Just because I understand?
H: No, it
doesn’t. It means you are able to step away in peace rather than step away in
pain. When you truly get that it is not about you, then you don’t have to
participate, either actively or passively.
Me: You
know. I didn't expect to, but I feel better. Thank you.
H: Anytime...so you still don't think I should
do stand up?
Me: No.
H: That Chinese joke is quite good. I created
all the races, you know.
Me: It's
still racist.
H: What about that nun one that you read online
yesterday?
Me: I think
that if you repeated it, it might cause mass conversions to atheism overnight.
H: Oh.
Me: Stick
to your strength, big guy.
H: Voluminous clothing?
Me: Vacationing.
H: Oh.
Me: Yeah.
We'll tough it out, do what we can, find our way.
H: I like the sound of that.
Me: One
more thing. If you see my father, tell him...
H: He knows.
Me: Right.
Off you go then.
H: You're dismissing ME?!
Me: Yup.
Straddling that fence whilst talking to you goes against the laws of... um, the Heisenberg
Principle.
H: No, it doesn't! The principle merely states
that-
Me: B'bye,
big guy.
H: See you...child.